Do You Talk About Sex? (BLOG)

(ESSENCE)Sex is an important part of a relationship. It isn’t everything, but it's significant; it is a way for both partners to express...

(ESSENCE)Sex is an important part of a relationship. It isn’t everything, but it's significant; it is a way for both partners to express their desire for each other and to take the time to both please themselves and to provide pleasure. Unfortunately, many women don’t enjoy sex as much as they should. Why? Because they are afraid to speak up and speak out when it comes to what they enjoy in between the sheets.

It's 2011. They’ve had a man on the moon a whole bunch of times. You can fix your lips to tell your partner what it is you need to get you going in bed. It may be awkward if you aren’t used to speaking plainly about sex, but if the alternative is a lifetime of just hoping that whomever you are dealing with can simply figure out what turns you on…then you may need to reconsider your priorities ASAPtually. Thongs are uncomfortable, right? Have you ever worn one to avoid having a tacky panty line? Or to be visually appealing to your beau? If you can be physically uncomfortable in the name of fashion, you can make yourself temporarily uncomfortable in order to address your sexual pleasure.

If your lover is doing something that turns you off, say “I like it when you…” and suggest something you do enjoy or simply say “I’m not really into that.” Be gentle but firm; allowing your concern for his ego to stand in the way of your pleasure will harm you both in the long run. Make sure that you are equally vocal when you are enjoying yourself and let him know when he’s pushed the right buttons!

You cant solve a problem that you aren't aware of, so you do the both of you a major disservice by pretending that everything is good between the sheets when it isn't. And a man who is unable or unwilling to deal with constructive criticism about his sex game or remarks about your personal tastes and desire is not someone you should be sleeping with, quite frankly. Yes, most men would be offended by "Your stroke game is weak!", but not being to handle "That doesn't really do it for me, but you know what I’d love?" is the behavior of someone who needs to get over himself and do a little growing up.

Never lose sight of the fact that when it comes to sex, you are responsible to two people: you and your partner. If you take one of those people's needs out of the equation, the experience will likely be lacking. Pull your big girl panties on and learn how to talk about what it is you need and want while making love. You'll thank me later.

Read more: http://www.essence.com/2011/08/15/culture-love-war-do-you-talk-about-sex/#ixzz1Vgx7zkaR