You know who always wins your NCAA tournament pool? Somebody else. Look, we can all delude ourselves into thinking this is our year but,...
You know who always wins your NCAA tournament pool? Somebody else. Look, we can all delude ourselves into thinking this is our year but, honestly, our chances of winning are about the same as a No. 7 seed cutting down the nets on the first Monday in April. It has to happen one day, but that day is a long way off. So this year, instead of letting your bad picks ruin your enjoyment of the tournament, here are five ways to maximize the fun from your losing bracket.
1. Pick against Duke
(USA TODAY Sports Images)
There are two kinds of people: Those who root for Duke and those with good taste. No matter which group you fall into, you should never pick the Blue Devils in the NCAA tournament. Why?
If you don’t root for Duke: This is self explanatory. There are some who will tell you to cover your bases and pick Duke to win it all, the idea being that you should earn financial reward if you’re going to have to watch Duke cut down the nets. It’s a fair point, but answer me this: Is this worth the price of your soul?
(USA TODAY Sports Images)
If you root for Duke: If this is your category, it’s either because you went to Duke, love someone who went to Duke or are Dick Vitale. In that case, it’s never good to tie your basketball emotions in with your bracket emotions. (That goes for fans of any tournament team.) If Duke wins and you win your pool — congratulations, you’re the type of person who values money over true happiness. If Duke loses and you lose, then you’re doubly bummed out. But if Duke wins it all and you lose, then your lifelong basketball pride far outweighs minor bracket disappointment. And if Duke loses and you win, then you’ll finally understand the joyous feeling, however fleeting, of watching a sad Steve Wojciechowski trudge off the court, wondering why the refs didn’t come through this time. Try it. It’s heavenly.
2. Never say “almost”
(Screenshot via John Eric Goff’s Blog)
Don’t watch a No. 14 beat a No. 3 seed and immediately say aloud, “oh man, I almost had that one!” No. No you didn’t. That’s like going out for the Super Bowl coin toss, calling heads, seeing the flip come up tails and announcing to the world “shoot, I almost picked that.” It’s like a doctor delivering a baby and telling the excited new parents, “it’s a girl …. but it was almost a boy.” It’s like someone proposing, then hearing a rejection followed by, “but I almost said yes.” When there are only two options and you briefly debate which answer to give, every decision is an “almost.” Don’t play that game, my friends. It’ll eat you alive this weekend.
3. Consider your entry fee as an investment for fun, not a ticket to riches
We all go into NCAA tournament pools the wrong way. Most of us think, “I could turn this $10 into $400!” when we should be thinking “here’s $10 that will heighten my enjoyment of an already-enjoyable weekend.” Consider your entry fee as the price you have to pay to care about a game between Baylor and Nebraska. It’s like a bar tab. You don’t leave happy hour thinking, “I just lost $20 on nachos and discounted domestic drafts.” That was money spent to facilitate a good time.
4. Think different
(USA TODAY Sports Images)
Okay, all these mental excersises are nice, but you still have to fill in 64 spaces on the bracket. Some quick tips for maximizing the fun quotient.
a. Consider your location. If you live in Michigan, don’t pick the Spartans or Wolverines. If you’re in upstate New York, avoid Syracuse. If you live on the east coast, consider a west coast team. If you live on the west coast, give that east coast bias a whirl and see how it tastes. People pick what they know. Don’t be people.
b. Go slightly against the grain. Don’t pick Louisville — everybody is picking them. Don’t pick Michigan State — ESPN might not let you back into Bristol. But don’t pick go crazy and take Stephen F. Austin to win it all, because then you’re just “that guy/gal who treats the whole thing as a mockery.” If you win by picking a favorite, then you’re boring. If you win by picking an underdog, you’re a hero. That’s just science.
c. Pick Duke. All bracket advice is inherently contradictory. At least we’re embracing it.
5. Be your own pooler
I love reading bracket tips. I eat them up. I’ve written them in the past and likely will do so again. But you know who’s just as terrible at picking NCAA brackets as you are? The people who write them. Shoot, they’re probably worse. Knowing more about college basketball doesn’t make you any better at brackets. It’s the same way mathematicians don’t win the lottery more often. There’s no accounting for blind luck.
Let’s say a bracket expert did have an uncanny ability to pick NCAA tournament games. Do you think they’d really be offering their services for no cost on the Internet? Come on. You don’t see Warren Buffett dishing free stock tips on Tumblr. That basketball “expert” would be living in a penthouse suite at the Wynn and bathing in the luxuries of a high roller, not sharing secrets with people spending their workdays mining the Internet for the secret to NCAA tournament glory.
There’s no method to the madness of March. The sooner you accept that, the happier your March will be.
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